Demand or Let Go?
In 1902, Maria Goretti, who would eventually become one of the youngest canonized saints, sat outside sewing. She was only eleven years old. That afternoon, her neighbor Alessandro tried to make advances towards her. When she refused, he stabbed her eleven times and when she try to get away, he stabbed her three more times. She was immediately taken to the hospital and operated on. The next day, Maria forgave Alessandro and said she wanted to see him in Heaven with her. She died that day while looking upon an image of the Virgin Mary and holding a cross to her chest.
Alessandro was arrested and imprisoned. He remained unrepentant for his actions until one night he had a dream that he was in a garden. Maria was there and she gave him lilies, which immediately burned in his hands. When he woke, he was a changed man. He repented his crime and lived a reformed life in jail. When he was released 27-years-later, he went directly to Maria's mother and begged her forgiveness, which she gave, saying, "If my daughter can forgive you, who am I to withhold forgiveness?" The next day, both Maria’s mother and Alessandro attended Mass and received Holy Communion side by side.
It is stories like this of St. Maria Goretti that challenges me to learn to forgive unconditionally when I am hurt or offended. But I must admit it is not easy. In fact, it’s really hard. But it is what we are called to do as Christians.
The readings today are all about forgiveness. In the Gospel, Jesus tells us that we must forgive not only 7 times but seventy seven times. The first reading from Sirach says, “wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinners hugs them tight… Forgive your neighbor’s injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven.”
Essentially, this is what we pray when we pray the Our Father. Have you ever thought about what you are praying when you say the Our Father? You are praying, “God, don’t forgive me if I don’t forgive those who hurt me.” That’s what you are asking.
In the past decade there has been more and more scientific research on the topic of forgiveness. And science is discovering that more and more forgiveness changes people. Dr. Fred Luskin writes, “In careful scientific studies, forgiveness training has been shown to reduce depression, increase hopefulness, decrease anger, improve spiritual connection, [and] increase emotional self-confidence.” Forgiving others is good for us not only spiritually but also physically!
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Our own resentment and anger only hurts us in the long run.
Now I want to clear up some misconceptions or myths about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy or quick, it is not weakness, and it is not forgetting. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt anymore, it doesn’t mean that you have to be friends with them again, and it doesn’t mean that you have to trust them.
So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is a choice: “I’m not going to make you pay me back what you owe me.” Like the king in the parable today, even though the servant owed him large debt, “he had compassioned and let him go and forgave him the loan.” When someone has hurt us or wronged us unjustly, they in some sense owe us. I think it’s necessary to name and express what that is. Perhaps their offense cost you trust, cost you suffering, cost you your purity.
After you name that debt. Now you have two choices. You can either grab the person by the neck and demand that they, “pay back what they owe you” or you can choose to release the person and forgive them.
But keep in mind, if you do not forgive your brother or sister, God will not forgive you.
Why is that? Because despite our sinfulness, despite the sinfulness of others God still desires all of us to be united with Him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Like Alessandro and Maria’s mother, God desires all to repent and forgive so that in Heaven we can truly be side-by-side in Holy Communion.
